What a Deal!

Dear Friends,
A few months ago, I had my first, and hopefully last, fight with my sister, who is ten years younger than me. I accused her of being irresponsible, she accused me of harbouring too much anger! Since then, every time I don't feel my jovial self, I try to address my "anger" issues. However, last night, I decided, I'm not really angry, I'm disappointed. Although anger and disappointment are both by-products of displeasure, I believe anger is a front-seat emotion, as disappointment is more of a backseat feeling. Being let down has a "poor me" quality to it that hostility doesn't.  
Not to mention the G word (you never know when he is eavesdropping) I do have a list of grievances against the mighty card dealer; mother nature, human nature and the nature of my own state of being, to name a few frivolous ones. 
What was he thinking! Who can play with this hand and come out even? Such has been the name of my game recently. 
I know, in vulnerable times one should compare downwards; visit a hospital, volunteer in a soup kitchen or remember one's own past hardships. However, I feel I'm within my rights to be disappointed. Let's just say my plans did not include terrorists in Toronto, gloves in April, alarm clocks and dinner reservations for one, at the age of fifty-eight! 
According to the buddhist philosophy, disappointment stems from having expectations. To my disappointment, my whole livelihood is built on expectations, I'm a teacher! 
Most of all, I'm disappointed in myself for not being able to feel hopeful, safe or grateful anymore. Maybe the world has become more dangerous, or perhaps I've lost faith in my fate. Maybe I should take a page out of my good friend's book and blame it all on post-menopausal turbulences, severe turbulences. 
Just a few minutes ago, I revisited my Gratitude Blog. In April 26, 2012, I was grateful for being able to eat, walk and breathe independently. Obviously, I've raised my standards since then. How disappointing! Accepted and filed! What have you accepted and filed today?