Was I? Did I?

Dear Friends,
Although I dotted my last i's and crossed my last t's in my report cards, I don't feel relieved at all. A teacher's mind is never at peace. The last days of the school year, smiling from afar, are accompanied by the stomping self-doubt. An array of questions rush in to my head. You would think they have become more original with time, but no, the same old nagging questions return, year after year. It's Auntie Mame's song number sixteen, IF HE WALKED INTO MY LIFE! 
Did I reach everyone? Was I fair, supportive? Did I give them what they needed, or did I teach them what I wanted? Did I make a difference? Was I effective, inspiring enough? 
Of course, there is always something I could've done more of, or less of. But overall, considering the fact that it was a hard year for all Ontario teachers, did I do my best, or did I let politics and Bill 115 affect my judgement and performance? 
Fortunately, the answer isn't always in me, but most often in the eyes of happy students, grateful parents and approving colleagues.

As I've already started  taking down students' work, packing the supplies and throwing out whatever I haven't used in two years, I realize my classroom looks sadder by the hour. But, I know that passion, dedication and creativity are perennial, just like the stomping self-doubt. 

Writing the last batch of report cards is like reviewing the year in motion. As I reread my handiwork attentively, still deliberating over the "B-" I gave little Johnny, I can see how each and every one of my students grew and changed, right in front of my eyes, truthfully, a couple for the worse than the better. I believe what Obama said about his presidency, holds true for teachers as well,  "One thing you learn in this job is that even if something's not your fault, you're still responsible. And that's how it should be." Accepted and filed! What have you accepted and filed today?