Dear Friends,
Since my attempt to induce selective amnesia wasn't successful last night, this morning, I decide to hit the beach, giving the sun an opportunity to dry up my negativity.
Relentlessly in search of fulfilment and enlightenment, I’ve managed to build an extensive library
of self-help books, written by the best male and female medical doctors, psychiatrists,
philosophers and spiritual and motivational gurus. As I’m flipping through my latest acquisition, The Antidote, spread-eagle on the warm sand, I’m as close to the truth, as far as I was from it twenty-some years ago, when I first started my quest.
I stare into this immense body of blue water stretched out in front of me. A fascinating idea twirls around my heavy, achy head. I toss Oliver Burkeman's book to the side.
What if I walk into the water, and never come back?
I get up to turn my fantasy into reality, but then change my mind. Although I can’t bring myself to waste my brand new swimsuit, the fascinating thought of getting rid of myself becomes louder. I shake my head violently from side to side to disperse the crazy thoughts, something I've learned from my mother.
I decide to move to the swimming pool area. There's only so many times I can shake the sand out of my hair! As a solo traveller, I have to be mindful of my idiosyncrasies.
The 24-hour bar and the elaborate buffets do not entice me as much as the water and the sun. I've finally defeated binging! When I realized my father's gastronomic philosophy, no snacking between meals, and my mother's count of everyone's alcoholic drinks, had driven me to overstocking my body, I was able to tackle the problem effectively.
Once I understood that I could eat and drink whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, I was able to defer my impulses to 'tomorrow.' Every time tomorrow arrived, I deferred it to the next day. That's how I became designer swimsuit-worthy!
As I feast on my bland medley of raw and cooked vegetables, (I can have all the dessert I want tomorrow) I wonder if 'deferral' can be applied to mental malfunction. Deferring the bothersome to mañana, just like Scarlett O'Hara! " I won't think of it now. I'll think of it later when I can stand it!"
As I realize drowning myself in booze, sugar and starch, or the salty water is out of the question, in desperate need of letting go, without snapping, I return to the beach, this time with my purple knitting project - I feel saner. There is a lot to be said about manual labour calming the vagabond mind. Accepted and filed! What have you accepted and filed today?
I stare into this immense body of blue water stretched out in front of me. A fascinating idea twirls around my heavy, achy head. I toss Oliver Burkeman's book to the side.
What if I walk into the water, and never come back?
I get up to turn my fantasy into reality, but then change my mind. Although I can’t bring myself to waste my brand new swimsuit, the fascinating thought of getting rid of myself becomes louder. I shake my head violently from side to side to disperse the crazy thoughts, something I've learned from my mother.
I decide to move to the swimming pool area. There's only so many times I can shake the sand out of my hair! As a solo traveller, I have to be mindful of my idiosyncrasies.
The 24-hour bar and the elaborate buffets do not entice me as much as the water and the sun. I've finally defeated binging! When I realized my father's gastronomic philosophy, no snacking between meals, and my mother's count of everyone's alcoholic drinks, had driven me to overstocking my body, I was able to tackle the problem effectively.
Once I understood that I could eat and drink whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, I was able to defer my impulses to 'tomorrow.' Every time tomorrow arrived, I deferred it to the next day. That's how I became designer swimsuit-worthy!
As I feast on my bland medley of raw and cooked vegetables, (I can have all the dessert I want tomorrow) I wonder if 'deferral' can be applied to mental malfunction. Deferring the bothersome to mañana, just like Scarlett O'Hara! " I won't think of it now. I'll think of it later when I can stand it!"
As I realize drowning myself in booze, sugar and starch, or the salty water is out of the question, in desperate need of letting go, without snapping, I return to the beach, this time with my purple knitting project - I feel saner. There is a lot to be said about manual labour calming the vagabond mind. Accepted and filed! What have you accepted and filed today?
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