Where Are The Caregivers?

Dear Friends,

I spent a good portion of my weekend reading articles and watching videos about the unfortunate BC girl, Amanda, who put an end to her tormented life. May she rest in peace!

From the MP, urging Ontario to update its mental health and sex-education programs, to the guilt-ridden confessions of a young bystander, the only voice that resonated with me was that of Diane Weber Bederman. To paraphrase her statements, suicide is not a standard coping mechanism. Using bullying and suicide in the same sentence is undermining the perils of untreated mental illness. 

I personally, see taking one’s own life as a very complex act. The jury is still out on whether suicide is an act of bravery, cowardliness or temporary insanity. The feelings of anger, regret and guilt that it evokes, points to the fact that it is more about the remaining spirits, rather than the departed one. There is more to living than existing. What’s the point of a miserable life? If we let go of the notion that interfering with God’s plans is a sin, and bring ourselves to forgive the deserters for being able to do without us, when we can’t do without them, we might be able to see suicide as what it really is - an end to suffering. The ultimate sacrifice is to let the distressed body and soul of our loved ones find peace.

As I have mentioned in my gratitude blog and memoir, I’m no stranger to dark thoughts and deeds, but I feel more sorry for the “unwilling” “unsuspecting” victims of death. 

The other component of this thought and discussion provoking tragedy is accountability. In reality, the world doesn’t fall into place according to our Rights. Thus, common sense dictates we add Responsibility to the scenario.  

When my ex-husband’s eighty-year-old mother committed suicide, his sister’s first reaction was to sue the doctor who had prescribed too many sleeping pills. I, as an outsider, had the clarity of mind to ask myself why hadn’t she taken her mother's warning signs more seriously.

Two summers ago, when following a toddler’s drowning, I heard the neighbour being prosecuted for having left the body of water in his yard unfenced, I wondered why the child’s caregivers were not being charged with negligence.

It might seem cruel to accuse the grievers; however somebody has to unveil the pink elephant in the room. “Where are the sane custodians?” 

All young girls and boys should know that at certain age, their body begets sexuality. They should also know that unintended nudity or exhibitionism attract perverts. If they don’t, a caregiver has dropped the ball. Every guardian should know that youngsters' cellphone, facebook and chat time should be monitored. If they don't, they have relinquished their responsibilities as protectors. All adolescents must have appropriate adult supervision after school hours. If they don’t, both the guardians and the society have failed them. 
I would like to ask the tweeting mother, why Amanda, a young girl suffering from depression who used to cut herself, was left to her own devices.  Why she had so much unsupervised internet time on her hands, that she kept going back to cyber bullies for more abuse. And finally, why wasn't she receiving treatment? 

Instead of teacher bashing, I suggest the "public” rally for parenting classes and after-school programs in their neighbourhoods.

And before anyone points the finger at Amanda's teachers, allow me to say that as early as kindergarten, teachers can tell when someone doesn’t fit perfectly into the universally “normal" mould. However, in a politically correct “parents-know-best” society, it’s hard enough to discuss students’ academic shortcomings, never mind their behavioural, sexual or mental irregularities.

The last time I dared to advocate for a student, who needed to leave French Immersion program, and receive support in English, I was accused of being racist. When I voiced my concerns to a mother that her little girl was repeatedly flashing her classmates, she said her daughter shouldn't be put to shame for being proud of her body! 
And that’s only two of my innumerable stories about locking horns with parents. I rather be wrong than sorry.

Teachers do know better – accepted and filed!

What have you accepted and filed, today?